How do you mend a broken heart?

To Lola, my baby girl, I love you so much. My heart aches for all the pain that you feel. I wish I could hide you away and protect you from all the bad people in the world who have hurt you (even myself).

I know that you're growing up - as much as I tried to stop it - but I can't fight that maternal instinct I have to keep you with me forever. As ridiculous as it would look, nothing would make me happier than to put you in my lap, with your head on my shoulder, one hand holding your baby doll, and a paci in your mouth.

We have our good times, and we certainly have our bad times (wow, there have been some doozies!) my little Princess High from the Island of Maintenance.

Yes, I know I'm your mother, and it's not my job to be your best friend, but always know that I'm here for you - always. and I'm always here to lend an EAR.

if you love something, blah, blah, blah...

You know that saying, "if you love something, set it free. If it comes back..." whatever. I don't even remember how to say it correctly. I cannot think of a single time in my life that this theory has worked. The butterfly I "owned" for a full 2 hours when I was eight. I loved that butterfly with all my heart. It was my bestest friend. Do ya think it even gave me a second thought when I set it free? All the boyfriends I thought weren't attentive enough... I set them free and someone was always there to snatch em right up...

Which brings me to my "point of the day". J, if you're out there, I miss you. I let go because I realized that our friendship was putting you in a difficult situation. But I really miss our girl's getaways (I still have that bottle of wine), laughing until we cried and our stomachs hurt, and just talking. I DON'T miss that one enchanted evening with Jose Cuervo. wow. I still think I have the best tattoo ever. I remember the MEGA margaritas we had to drink to summon the courage for our upper-ear piercing. MAN that really hurt! I think about you every time I hear ACDC blasting from my daughter's room - and I miss you.

Yay - it's Friday!

I cannot WAIT until tomorrow morning. Funny thing is, I probably won't remember it. You see, one of my favorite things to do is sleep late. I LOVE to sleep in. The problem with sleeping in is you're asleep, so you don't realize you're doing it. Not until you wake up. Then it's over. Sometimes I set my alarm for 5:00 am, just so I can turn it off and roll over - that way I have about 5 minutes of realizing I'm going to sleep in.

In other news, my baby (he's 24) bought his first "real" car today! He's beside himself with joy - his stressed-out mom is beside herself with worry. Please make timely payments - credit it a terrible thing to waste - keep your insurance current, and please please please buckle up and drive safely. His worry? He has to give up his beloved truck that his Grandpa gave him. That truck is the biggest piece of junk you can imagine, but means more to him and anything in this world. Mostly because his Grandpa gave it to him. My son loves his Grandpa. My dad has been the father figure and role model that my son has needed his entire life and he is the best dad in the whole world.

allrighty. That's enough for today. Can't see to type through the tears anyway.

thanks for lending an EAR.

EARS to you...

It's been a long day today, but I'm really glad I showed up at work... I was reminded that I have great co-workers (most of them), and even greater friends. Friends who care about me and my well-being.

Some of my friends are probably reading this post (M, L, C, and S) - and I hope they know that I truly value their friendship. I know that I'm moody and can be a pain in the butt sometimes (L, did you just roll your eyes??), but I also know that I'm smart, funny, and I love my friends - and that's why they love me.

S told me today that she loved the donkey... then she said, "or is it a jack-ass?" My response: depends on what mood I'm in at the moment.

To my friends and family: thanks for lending an EAR.

ok... here we go...

allrighty. This is my first attempt at blogging, so bear with me. I have been in a deep state of depression for the last three days, and I thought I would add blogging to my long list of attempts at therapy.

I had a massage scheduled for tonight, but my therapist had a last-minute emergency, so I sit here tired, depressed, and un-massaged.

I have so much to write, i mean type, but I don't want to overwhelm you. It's a lot. I'm 43, and I feel like I'm heading in to my second mid-life crisis. The first one was at around 35, and consisted of an upper ear-piercing, a tattoo, and oh yeah, a divorce (definitely the best of the three).

This one doesn't seem to be so easy to fix.

Thanks for lending your ear...