As God as my witness...

wow... today was a tough day. For those of you that know me, you know I struggle with depression. Okay, you probably do, but if you didn't know, now you do. It seems to have gotten worse in the last few years - and I don't understand that, because to me, my life is better than it was a few years ago. I've been divorced for 6 years, and the first few years after were crazy, but i was happy. Then i realized I had had to get my act together, so I settled down to the business of being a responsible adult. Yes, I've made mistakes since then, and I still make mistakes, but I'm trying...

to summarize: first three years - crazy but happy; last three years - calmer but increasingly depressed. Am I such a selfish person that being "grown up" is depressing? Am I only happy when I don't give a flip about being a responsible person? I guess if I knew the answers, I might be less depressed. who knows...

I absolutely LOVE my job - it's sad to say that it is were I'm most happy. As much as I love my job, that depresses me sometimes too. My job is great. I love what I do, and my managers respect my opinions and knowledge. Sometimes I have a bad day when I'm reminded that there are people in my office who get paid a lot more than me but do a lot less, and care even less than that. But, I keep pushing forward, hoping that some day LH's words will come true: "things happen for a reason".

Ok, so while I'm writing all this, I'm reminded that I have so much to be thankful for. Why am I such a big ole whiny baby? lol that just depresses me more. So I decided to make a list of things I'm thankful for:

1. my kids - they've got their issues too, but they are amazing people

2. my dogs - who love me no matter what

3. my friends - (see number 2)

4. my family - they love me and I love them. period.

5. my job (p.s. if you're reading this and owe a defaulted student loan, contact me - we'll work something out - it's irresponsible not to pay back the government for letting you further your education!)

6. this blog, for allowing me to vent and empty out my sometimes empty thoughts.

ok, things aren't so bad - the day is almost over and I fight to live another day. As Katie Scarlett O'Hara would say "After all, tomorrow is another day" y'all...