Where's that damned line I'm not supposed to cross???

Another meltdown weekend. If you haven't figured out by now, I have issues. Most days I am on my game at work - i can kick ass at work. Home is a different story - I never know what is going on when I walk in the door. Will my 17 year old be home, and not out with friends that she hasn't told me about? Will my son be home earlier than unusal because either he or his boss got pissed off and SOMEONE lost their job (usually it's gonna be the son).

This weekend I was supposed to help my sister move. Everything was on schedule, meeting Saturday morning after breakfast. Friday night i get a call that my other sister, and her husband were on their way to help. They live in Alabama. I love my sister from Alabama, but her redneck, ignorant-ass husband is more than I can take. Which brings me to my question of the day.

How secret/serious does a "family secret" have to be to be buried with the only two people who know about it? I have held something inside of me for 30+ years. At first I dealt with it, in my awkward bad-decision-making teenage way. Then I dealt with in during 18 years of marriage - and it affected it and my attitude towards my ex. It has affected my self-image, and my ability to see the beauty in me. It has taking me a long time (too long) to understand that I am intelligent, funny, and I am capable of kickin ass when called upon. I still think that I am overweight (that one's pretty obvious), not pretty, and no way will I ever find a man who can love me the I want to be loved - only love me the way i think I deserved to be love. Not sure if any of that makes sense, but it's just kinda oozing out, and I have to type it before i lose it.

So, the closer i get to moving away from all this dysfunction, (349 days and counting) the more I am losing control of "dealing" with it. What's up with that????? geez. I swear I have no idea where to go from here.

Well, it's official. I sat in Superior Court today for 3 hours waiting on my 5 minutes of fame - and then had to share it with two other women. But after our 5 minutes were over, we were our own women again. I have legally changed my name back to my maiden name. I've been divorced for 5 years now, and I'm just now getting around to changing it back. It never really bothered me until I earned my Associates Degree in management last December - seeing my ex-husband's last name on my degree took some of the wind out of my sails and I knew I had to get rid of that name before I finished up my Bachelor's Degree. Anyway, the judge signed the order and the clerk entered it into the county's legal records so I did it.

Afterwards, I had lunch with my parents. I pretty much expected them (esp my mama) to just smile politely while in their minds they're thinking "another part of her divorce that we'll have to be reminded of." But they were actually happier than I expected. My daddy was like, "whoohoo welcome back to the Roberts family" (ok, he didn't actually say 'woohoo' but if that word was in his vocabulary, he would have used it then).

Anyway, I'm back to who I want to be. Well, the beginning of who I want to be... Onward and Upward!

One toke over the line...

My guilty pleasure*: ok... does anybody out there ever watch "Weeds" on Showtime? Oh my gosh that is the funniest show to me. Now - don't misunderstand - I don't smoke pot. Ok, MAYBE I did in my late teens and early twenties - not saying I did - just saying that MAYBE it happened...

I have SHO for $4.95 for 6 months - and I have no idea what I'm gonna do when that runs out. Anyway, this is one of the best shows on cable. If you haven't seen it, and you have SHO, watch it. If you don't have SHO, then rent a season on DVD. Hilarious. Mary-Louise Parker, Kevin Nealon, and Elizabeth Perkins are TOO FUNNY.


*thank you MTB for remembering that phrase for me! lol