he's so cute when he's clueless...

I have the most amazing boyfriend.  He's smart, funny, quick-witted (love that!), and HOT.  (and he smells good too)  Everyday I learn something new and amazing about this man. 

This weekend when J came over, I handed him a bag and told him, “take this home with you? It’s bathroom stuff I bought and I want to leave at your house” so he smiles, and says “cool”

The next day I talk to him and he says, “you know, I walked into your bathroom today (the guest bathroom) and it was really nice seeing your stuff in there”
I said, “what stuff?”
He said, “you know, the stuff you left and the stuff you gave me the other day… your face wash, your shampoo, the little pack of wipes… “
“Wipes?? Where did you put them?”
“on the counter. Why?”
“omg please tell me no one has used that bathroom”

lol here’s what he had proudly displayed in his guest bathroom...

I'm still here...

Well, so much for consistency… I revived my blogging last week and haven’t been back since. Typical me. This has been an emotional week for me; I think I’ve cried more than I haven’t. I miss my daddy and my heart is aching for what my beautiful daughter is going through. However, I DID make a commitment to keep it light – and so I’m going to share a story about my daughter, K. Hopefully, there’s at least ONE person reading this that hasn’t heard this one – but it’s one of my favorites.

K was about 16, and we were on our way to a family dinner and were stopped at a red light. In front of us was an old Ford Crown Victoria. The license plate was: CROWN V. We always liked trying to figure out unusual vanity plates, but this was obvious, so I didn’t comment on it.

After a few seconds, K said, “Crown V? What’s that supposed to mean?” I smiled, thinking she was thinking too hard and missing the obvious. “Crown Victoria?” I replied. She smiled and a wave of understanding washed over her face… “Ohhhh”, she said. “That’s those really smart people in school!”

Deep breath. Don’t laugh. “No baby. That’s a Valedictorian.”

Change in Direction

To all 2 of my followers (smile),

It's been awhile since I blogged. Every time I start to write I end up feeling sad which, to me, defeats the whole purpose of blog-therapy. I am still missing my dad terribly. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him a million times and every time I cry. Happy memory or not, my heart still aches for him.

On April 4, 2009, I had to say goodbye to my beloved Chevy. I held her in my arms and felt her last breath. She was 14. She was a great dog. My heart and my arms still ache for her.

This has been a difficult year for me and rather than spend the last part of 2009 wallowing in my sorrow, I decided to blog about mostly good or funny things. Now keep in mind, I'm not Ms. Sunshine, so there will be days that I'm just plain bitchy and absolutely nothing will make me happy, but hopefully those days will be few and far between.

As messed-up and seriously dysfunctional as my life is, I cannot deny that I have been blessed with awesome friends and family, dogs included. I hope you will enjoy my stories. If not, "whateva - I do what I want" 

Faith is just an expression

I was catching up on some blog-reading and started to respond to a blog and realized my response was long enough to be a blog itself... not surprising - I sometimes have a problem shutting up.

The blog was from my niece and she was commenting on my father's (her grandpa) death. Her comment was that she wasn't there when he died but heard that he was very much at peace with the idea of death... yet she had never seen any outward expression of his faith.

I thought about this and realized - neither have I. She continued on to say that she recently attended a church service and things like bible verses and sermons weren't what caught her attention - it was the "little things" that touched her. That's when I realized how my daddy expressed his faith every day that I knew him - by little things.

I grew up sitting in church between my mama and daddy. Same pew, same seat, for at least 17 years. My mama would hang on every word of the sermon, prayers, and hymns. She can quote any Bible verse, tell you any Bible story, and most of the hymns. She has many Bibles, most ragged and worn from daily use.

My daddy would sit and church and observe. I don't know that he heard all the sermons, maybe he even heard a "different version" than my mama. I never heard him quote any verses.

However, when I hear the term "good and faithful servant" - that's my daddy. He served God by serving his church, his country, and his family.

He was a song leader, he was a committee member, he paid more than his 'required 10%' tithes. He was a good and faithful servant to his church.

He was an air traffic controller in WW2. He was in Germany, France, and Belgium. He had stories of landing on beaches in Germany, touring the awful concentration camps with President Truman (i think that's who it was!) He was a good and faithful servant to his country.

Father's Day sermons are always fascinating to me. I never listened to them until after I was married and well on my way to divorce. I always wanted to bring my ex into church and say, "SEE?? THAT'S HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT!!!" My daddy? The PERFECT example of 'how you're supposed to do it'. He was a faithful husband, good provider, good counselor, good fishin' buddy, good at everything. Except discipline. He made my mama do that! He was a good and faithful servant to his family.

I guess my point is this: I see people who are obviously devoted to their faith - prayer, church, Bible studies, etc... but can be quick to judge other people and their actions. I see people like my daddy who weren't always hanging on every sermon, maybe didn't bless the food when mama wasn't around, but would never judge anyone without first judging himself, and would always help someone in need. Always. Now, of these two people, is there one less deserving of Heaven? I can't imagine the God I worship choosing between the two.

He wasn't perfect and he made mistakes (I never saw them, but I'm sure he did), but he was a good and faithful servant and I know God is pleased.

One more thing: one of my favorite quotes (by anonymous) is:
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live you life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

Early W. Roberts, Jr.

January 5, 1923 - January 22, 2009

Part 1

Just for the record, I starting writing this post at 10pm on Jan 10, 2009. I'm not really ready to deal with this post, so I will probably take me a few days to finish it.
This past week I went to DC for training for my new job. It was a awesome week. I spent a lot of time with my sister and nieces. I plan to move there after my daughter graduates from high school and goes off to college. Sometimes I get really scared and freaked out about moving - that's when I know it's time for a visit. This visit was right on time. My timeline for moving is the fall - just in time for the birth of my new great-niece or nephew. How cool is that?
During this same week, my father was admitted to the hospital - on his 86th birthday - for fluid in his lungs. Yesterday we were told he has stage 4 lung cancer. How uncool is that?
I remind myself everyday how blessed I am to be 44 and still have both my parents, still married to each other - 60 years in March. Ok...time to stop - hurts too much.

No longer waiting to exhale...

Friends are the people who let you be yourself... and never let you forget it.

I really didn't like that movie, "Waiting to Exhale"... just seemed too bitter to me. I completely get that Bernie was pissed - who can blame her? Geesh. I'm just not a "sell everything for $1 and burn the rest" kinda girl. God knows, I have every reason to be - just don't have his car or anything of real value that he left behind! Besides, we've tried the bonfire thing, and I don't really need another visit from the police or fire department lol!

For all of October and November, I was completely caught up with T - forgetting who I am, and what I am all about. In the past two weeks I have discovered new friends, and more importantly, that my old friends love me, and let me be myself.

I think that's one of the main reasons why this ordeal hasn't broken my spirit - and only strengthened my determination to reach my goals and find true happiness.

Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks.

ok, sorry about the movie quotes, but I'm feeling a little Forrest, Forrest Gumpy. Hopefully, I'll get over it soon. See? My blogs are like a box of chocolate... you never know what your gonna get!

Today has been a sad day. I've been cooped up in my house for 3 days - thanks to me bragging that I "Never get the flu"... omg how can that much snot come out of one person's nose??

So I guess today I just a little cabin feverish and lonely. And craving shrimp. lol

I missed having T around today. I would notice little things around the house that he did, and I miss him. I miss laughing and yeah, even arguing. I would have been nice to have someone around to take care of me these past 3 days.

If I catch myself watching Family Guy once more... I will scream. Slingblade came on yesterday. I watched it. And recorded it. lol

I like the way you talk...mmmhmmm

and that's all I got to say about that...

Everything I need to know, I learned from Katt & Forrest...

I'm still working through my thoughts and emotions right now, and I figured that attempting to put them down here will help me figure things out.

First, let me introduce you to Luna. Isn't she a cutie? She has "fringe" on the ends of her ears - T said, like Lunatic Fringe - hence the name Luna. She's a real sweetheart.


Second, the reason for the "back pedaling and re-evaluating" post was that T is no longer living here. I was really disappointed, but funny thing is, I was more upset about being alone and not having a partner than I was about him leaving. I really miss having him around because he made us laugh SO MUCH... omg sometimes I would cry from laughing so hard! Did I, did I ever! Mornin' daddy! Time for some serul!

Some of my friends and family won't like that I still consider him a friend, and he taught me several things: patience (he can be a real ), tolerance, and empathy. He reminded me that sometimes it's NOT all about me (surprising at it may seem), and that compromise and giving each other space is vital to making a relationship work. He showed my kids that I'm not so bad and I can be cool sometimes. Most importantly, he reminded me that I should never lose sight of myself. I've always known that, I just forget all about it when I look into those eyes. If only I could be one of those people who never make eye contact lol.

Jenny: Do you ever dream, Forrest, about who you're gonna be?
Forrest: Who I'm gonna be?
Jenny: Yeah.
Forrest: Aren't I going to be me?

Bottom line: my life is actually better because he was and hopefully still is, a part of it. There are still some hurt feelings for me to work through, but nothing that true friendship can't conquer. My mistake is that I was trying to make something more of what we had. Anyway, T, if you're reading this, you're always welcome in our lives. Luna, Rebel, Chevy & Lacey miss you like crazy!

Okay - on to my next 'victim' lol poor guy, doesn't even know what's coming!

Back Pedaling and Re-Evaluating My Priorities...

Stay Tuned....

Thanks Y'all

Thanksgiving. My favorite holiday. I love gathering with my family - laughing, eating, laughing some more, eating some more, playing games, eating again... I am never so happy to be so miserably stuffed any other day of the year. No gifts, no frantic shopping, no stress, just amazing food and even more amazing family and friends.

I have never, ever, in my whole life been away from my family for Thanksgiving and I cannot imagine what that's like. I grew up in Georgia, always around my family and no matter how crazy they make me (and I make them), Thanksgiving is always cool.

This year I have a lot to be thankful for:

T, you're awesome. I see you struggle sometimes, and your strength is amazing to me.
K, you're my beautiful baby girl and I'm so very proud of you.
S, you've become a really cool young man. I know you'll find your way soon.

It’s My Birthday, It’s My Birthday…

Other than “Fiddy” showing up to sing for me (with his shirt off, of course), I don’t think I could ask for anything more for my birthday weekend. I have incredible friends who are the best support system I could ever imagine, great kids, and of course, my BFF, T (aka HB). We have a birthday dinner planned with good friends and good food, and Life is Good!


Think it’s only a coincidence that this is my 44th birthday, and just 4 days ago (on the 4th) Barack Obama was elected as the 44th president of the United States?? No Way! Life is Good!






http://www.lifeisgood.com/

Can't We Just Hire a Pool Boy?

Something I’ve learned this week: building a relationship is like having a pool. Maintenance is a pain in the ass (IS it!, Is it ever!). The cleaning, the scooping, the testing to make sure the chemicals are balanced – it’s a lot of work – every day. Constantly. (sigh). But we do all that hard work, not only to protect our investment but also so we can relax, chill out, and enjoy the fun – a fresh, clean, invigorating or relaxing swim. In relationships, sometimes we have to walk away and clear our minds (the cleaning and clearing debris), we talk things out and sometimes disagree (the scooping), and agree to disagree, compromise and figure out a solution (balancing the chemicals) so that we can relax and enjoy the fun of being together.

Sometimes being with T is a lot of work, a lot of times it’s so much fun (omg I laugh so hard I cry), and lots of times it’s just comfortable and reassuring. When times are hard, and seem impossible to get through, I think, can’t we just “hire a pool boy” to do all this hard work? But afterwards, I realize that we have to get through it in order to grow. Going through the tough times reminds me that I can’t take any of the fun parts of our relationship for granted. Even though having a pool boy would be convenient (and fun for ONE of us!), we’ll keep cleaning, scooping, and balancing – because there’s nothing more rewarding than a cool dip in a clear, well-balanced relationship, uhhh I mean pool.

Stupid Is As Stupid Does...

We all do stupid things. Don'tcha just hate it when you're about to say or do something stupid and you can hear that little voice in your head saying, "don't do it" or "shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" but you still do or say it anyway?? Omg, I HATE that!

This weekend was a rough weekend for me. I was tested, devastated, hopeful, relieved, forgiving, and patient. All in about 24 hours. I'm fricking exhausted. I cannot WAIT to get back to the normal chaos of my new job!

This weekend our relationship was tested - more than I was prepared to have it tested. One question that came up was - what kind of example am I setting for my children? My daughter, who doesn't have a good relationship with her biological father, craves a male father figure. I swear, I would have never agreed to let him move in if I ever thought that he would not be able to fill those shoes. Even if that's not what HE had in mind, it's always what I have in mind - because I know she's searching for "him". That always has to be in my mind anytime I begin a relationship. And any man I've ever been seriously involved with knows that it's a high priority for me.

Thank you "k" for the email you sent today, that reminded me that the example we can set for our children is to learn from our stupidity and make better decisions in the future. As much as I would love to show my children the perfect relationship, there is no such thing, and they need to know that we're human and we're gonna make mistakes.

T and I both feel that this relationship was 'meant to be' and that God (our Higher Power) has led us to this point, but not before testing our true strength and faith in Him and ourselves. We know that this is going to be tough - nothing worth having is free or easy - but we both feel that with a LOT of patience, understanding, trust, and love - this can be something incredible.

And yes, from time to time we will screw it up - but we learn from our mistakes and grow stronger minute by minute, day by day.

Once everyone realizes that it IS all about me, we will all be a lot happier...

You see that blog down there that says “truly blessed”? Maybe I blessed myself a little prematurely (not really, but I’m feeling sorry for myself today – so roll with me for a minute)… I live with my best friend – tomorrow is our “one-month anniversary”. It actually makes me cringe to hear stuff like “one-month anniversary”, but I can’t help but feel we’ve accomplished something here.

One month ago tomorrow, I asked this man to give up his home, his job, and his way of life (in another state) to come live with me. For some unknown reason, he agreed and I jumped in my car and drove 15 hours to get him and bring him to Georgia.

For the next three weeks, this poor man endured my moods (most were NOT pretty), my constant need for reassurance (I am incredibly insecure with relationships), and my frequent “freak-out” episodes when things aren’t the way I think they should be (they should be perfect at ALL TIMES lol). I have no idea how he survived it. But he did. With the patience of Job, this man took a deep breath, smiled, and hugged me through all the crap I brought to the table.

And yesterday the table turned. OMG.

Yesterday, at approximately 3:04 pm EST, he turned into a first-class prick. I can call him that because that’s the word he used to describe himself last night. It didn’t matter what I did or said, he was coming back with a smart-ass response. Now I realize that 95% of all his responses are smart-ass and are usually hilarious – this man has a brain AND a incredible sense of humor – but the smart-ass comments last night were just irritating with little or no humor.
This morning, he was right back in the smart-ass saddle and the drive to work was NOT FUN.

And YES YES YES – I do realize that I MAY have contributed to his mood (I’m not saying I did – but just MAYBE I played some SMALL part), but remember, I’m feeling sorry for MYself (see first paragraph) so WHATever…

Here’s what makes me crazy: He’s put up with my bullshit for over 3 weeks… why can’t I put up with his for a couple of days (omg, please tell me it’s only a couple of days)??? The more I think about it the more frantic I become. Why do I expect HIM to be perfect all the time, but I allow myself to shift into bitch-mode with absolutely no advance notice? Am I really that selfish and self-centered? Wow- maybe it’s NOT all about me (ya think?)… Nahhhh… that can’t be it… must be something else.

T, if you’re reading this – I love you and I’m sorry. Happy one-month anniversary (STOP ROLLING YOUR EYES!)… lol

Truly Blessed

Today was my first day at my new job. WOW. Talk about a big dose of humility. Just when I thought I knew everything - I realized today that there is SO MUCH MORE that I have to learn!

I was with my last employer for almost 25 years (OK, THAT makes me feel old) and did the same job for the past 11 years - a job with a manager that gave me the freedom to do my job and explore new ways to get things done - a job that provided a good income and health insurance for a single mom with 2 children - a job that provided me with valuable experience in preparation for my new job - a job with awesome co-workers that far out-numbered (and out-mattered) the a-holes I had to deal with - a job that I was truly blessed to have.

Beginning today, I have an awesome new job with USDA - a job that comes with many new responsibilities - a job that seems overwhelming at times - a job that pays better than the last one (lol) - a job that will use my strengths and strengthen my weaknesses - a job that I am truly blessed to have.

This weekend I had dinner with friends - friends that accept me for who I am - friends that don't put up with my BS - friends that make me laugh - friends that open-minded - friends that I can trust - friends that I am truly blessed to have.

This week marks one month since my best friend came to live with me - a best friend that loves me for the twisted, dysfunctional person that I am - a best friend that openly recognizes his faults (and mine!) and works at correcting them - a best friend that makes me laugh even when I'm at my angriest - a best friend that is incredibly and unbelievably patient with me when I'm at my bitchiest - a best friend that is a little slow with "listening to what I'm trying to tell him" but eventually gets it and helps me work through it - a best friend that will do almost anything to make me happy - a best friend that I am TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE. (I love you T)

One of these days.... POW! Right in the kisser!!

Yesterday I had an incredible man in my life, an amazing daughter that am so very proud of, and all my laundry was caught up. Today? Well, let's see... I have a completely infuriating boyfriend who thinks computers are stupid (because he can't remember what he typed) and my daughter brings me dirty clothes she's been stockpiling for years (ok maybe not YEARS). I honestly don't know how she's found any clean clothes in her room.

I'm trying to be patient - I really am. Patience is not one of my strong points, but I'm really trying - I promise. I recently asked my best friend to move in with me. 12 days ago, I drove 15 hours round trip to go get him and bring him into my life. My kids think he's cool, the dogs don't even know I exist anymore. He has been an amazing improvement in my life. I keep using the word "amazing", but I don't know any other way to describe the way I feel when I'm with him. Except for today. OMG. I really wanna smack him today.

It's been over 6 years since I lived with a man (my ex, and that wasn't fun). I guess I've forgotten how stubborn and pig-headed they can be. Big problems don't phase him at all. I am freaking out, and he calmly and rationally figures out what to do - it's amazing to watch him work. But the little things? OMG - please let me smack him.

He's been working on a blog - my suggestion on how to release some stress and get his thoughts organized and documented. He's been typing away for days. Early this afternoon, he couldn't get into his account and brought the laptop to me. Now, why do you think he thought I could help? Because he knows that I know a thing or two about computers. Now, I'm not an expert, but I can find my way around and sometimes I amaze myself with my computer skills.

So, I figured out pretty quickly what he did wrong and tried to explain it. Did he listen? Hell no. I recognized "The Look" - you know the look that men give you when they're just waiting for you to finish whatever the hell you're saying (cause they're not listening) so they can explain to you what is wrong with your theory? As soon as I recognized "the look" I wanted to smack him. Seriously dude? You're gonna argue with me about a computer issue? Seriously? The goober typed in the wrong email address when he established his blog. He typed .com instead of .net. I have no doubt this is was the issue. Oh no, he says. He didn't do that. (smack) Yes, you did "honey". No, I didn't. (smack) Have you gotten any confirmation emails from blogger.com? What's a confirmation email? (smack) (sigh) An email that confirms that you HAVE THE RIGHT EMAIL ADDRESS. I don't know what you're talking about - I hate computers - they're stupid (SMACK)



God I love this man... (smack)

Did you know we were royalty?

I have had the most amazing week. I am Queen of Procrastinatia - the land of putting off everything until "tomorrow". Last weekend I had Friday Night Trivia (no way I'm missing that), Girls' Lunch & a Movie on Saturday. That was the extent of my plans. The rest of the weekend I was going to finish up my school projects (which I had all week to do), and prepare for my job interview on Monday morning. I take my duties as Queen seriously, so obviously I didn't start on school or interview prep until Sunday morning. Unfortunately, I miscalculated the time it would take me to finish my school projects and I didn't start on the job interview prep until around 9pm Sunday night. My daughter, Princess High from the island of Maintenance, was walking on eggshells all day with me... and I have to say - she is an awesome daughter and really supported me Sunday.

Anyway, I finished my projects, submitted them and got an A as my final grade for the class. YAY!

I prepped for the interview, apparently it worked, because I was offered the job on Tuesday. YAY!

Wednesday night at 9:30 pm, I got in my car, and drove 7 hours to pick up my BFF, turned around and drove back home. Now by BFF is living with me and things are awesome, mainly because HE is awesome. YAY!

ahhhh.. it's good to be Queen.

Turn Baby Turn!

ok... I hope I'm not jinxing anything here... but I feel like I'm turning a corner. It's scaring the crap out of me, but things are looking up. I have had a really tough two weeks (omg please tell me it can't get any worse!) and my patience, love, nerves, etc., has been tested. But I survived (and so did my children!) and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not only can I see the light, but I THINK I see a field of flowers at the end of the tunnel! (Not the kind I'm allergic too!)

I have re-connected with some awesome friends: **KAD**, SJC, TWS - you guys are AMAZING. I love you all so much and I'm blessed to have you in my life. Thanks for being there to lend an EAR.

Now. On to turning that corner...

Kamikaze Flies

I swear as I type there are two flies trying their best to give me a concussion. They have rammed my head at least 10 times in the last 30 minutes. If it wasn't so funny, it would really piss me off. I pick up the flyswatter and they disappear into thin air. I put it down to type and BAMM right into my head.

Is this another effect of Global Warming? Aggressive houseflies?? yikes.